Whoops, a Boat is Trapped in the Suez Canal

A massive ship is stuck in the middle of the Suez Canal. The main shipping highway for oil to reach the western world is now blocked up worse than the guy who ate chilli cheese fries at Coachella. How could this all have happened? Well, a sandstorm blew in at exactly the wrong time. Shucks.

Parts of the Suez Canal get as narrow as 300 feet wide, and somehow there was enough wind and sand to ground this 1,300 foot ship into the banks on the side of the canal. An army of tugboats can be seen trying to pull the immense weight of this vessel away from the shoreline, but it seems to be no use. When a 1,300 foot anything gets stuck anywhere, it usually takes more than a tugboat to get it unstuck. Sorry tugboats.

Most of the global trade is now held up and considering the costly journey around the Cape of Good Hope, which is at the end of Africa (and adds a measly $450,000 to a tankers voyage). The cape is notorious for huge storms, and littered with bandito pirate gangs. Tom Hanks made a whole movie about how going through the Suez Canal is better than going around the Cape of Good Hope, and when he speaks we tend to listen to him.

Why does this matter to us peasants who don’t own a tanker? 2 Percent of the world’s oil is currently trying to pass through the Suez Canal, which is likely going to lead gas prices higher. If we don’t want gas prices to soar, we should join officials in praying for an extra high tide. Get your rain dance on.

Gamestop Posted Earnings, and it Didn’t Go Well

In a turn of events almost as crazy as coronavirus, Gamestop was pushed this year to the front of the stock market as its ticker value jumped to the moon (insert rocket ship emoji). This brick and mortar video game retailer was completely dead, and considered a joke amongst big companies like Citron, and Melvin Capitol. Yesterday, they posted their earnings report and it… didn’t go well.

The stock is down close to 50 percent of where it closed on Tuesday. If you go onto Reddit’s Wallstreet Bets, people will tell you to buy this dip. If you go just about anywhere else, people would say you are crazy for even having a robin hood account.

The stock immediately dropped half of its value after the report because they missed their earnings mark by… a lot. Since most of technology is digital these days, most people were not going into the store to buy video games and memorabilia.

Luckily for the holders of Gamestop (who call themselves Apes), a new COO was appointed and saved the death of their stock. Amazon and Google business vet, Jenny Owens stepped into the company and saved the dumpster fire that was happening after the markets closed. The company is turning itself into something more digital and modern, which might just save them yet.

Some traders will say earnings report, shmurnings report. Others will say not to warm yourselves by the dumpster fire of that stock because you might get burned by the explosive gasoline inside. In the end, time will pick a winner, and we will all have to live with the knowledge that we could have gotten rich, or be glad we stayed away and didn’t lose everything.