How To Sneeze Publicly In A Pandemic

Lets face it, sneezing or coughing in public these days is publicly unacceptable. Alergies could lead to a really boring 14 day mandatory lockdown, and weird stares from the neighbors. Nobody wants that. Here is our list of publicly acceptable suggestions to stay safe with regular body functions, while in the middle of a pandemic.

Start laughing hysterically

Set everyone’s mind at ease about the cough sneeze by laughing hysterically, like a crazy person. Was that a sneeze? Not quite sure, but everyone is way too afraid to ask. Definitely not messing with that guy.

Fart 

What a relief that its not coronavirus in the air, but just really stinky farts. People will breathe a deep sigh of relief and maybe even start cheering. Having a mask on makes a lot more sense when someone is farting in the area. 

Fake a heart attack instead

People will forget all about the coronavirus when they think someone is having a heart attack, but because of coronavirus, they wont want to get close enough to do anything. Perfect way to get to the front of a long line, and have people forget that someone was just sneezing. 

Make that squeaking noise with your shoes

Acting like its time to play basketball will make sure everyone forgets about the horrors of allergy season. People love playing basketball and they will likely just be confused about where to find a ball in the waiting room everyone is stuck in. Doing a super cool crossover motion with this ghost ball will earn bonus points, and might get everyone cheering. 

Run Away

No shame in making a scene. If all else fails, embrace the worst aspect of having sneezed and just run away like a coward. People will respect that because nobody wants to be sneezed on, and running away is the quickest method of having that person not sneeze on you. Does everyone a favor. 

In this age where its somewhat shameful and scary to be sick, these are just some of the ways to cover up regular body functions. Please let us know how these methods are working because we actually have bad allergies and are afraid of public places.