How Cool Politicians Would Look If Conspiracy Theories Were Accurate

Conspiracy theories make the world a little more exciting. Politicians step away from being old white idiots who cant seem to get anything done, and become blood thirsty lizard people who fly around the sky in space ships worshipping Satan. Epic. We took the liberty of painting these conspiracy theories in a different light, so crack a cold one and head into the nuclear bunker. This is about to get weird.

Leading Scientists Trick World Into Wearing Cloth In Front Of Face for a joke

Scientists from around the world finally got together for the ultimate inside joke; making people wear masks on their face. Who would have thought scientists could be so funny? The top minds of the world would have just pulled off the greatest inside joke in history, making science funny again. They must be laughing their little heads off. Absolute mad lads.

Humanoid Reptiles

The idea that certain politicians are actually reptilian people that can lick their own eyeballs and fly with their leathery wings is pretty funny. Imagine Bernie Sanders secretly having talons and being able to fly around during the full moon? The world would already be a socialist dominion by now, and we’d be enjoying some universal healthcare. These reptiles are also apparently against global warming, which really seems to go against the heat lamp seeking reptilian instincts. 

Vaccines Created To Track Regular People

Vaccines have saved the world from crazy infectious diseases like Polio and smallpox. The idea that the government has all of a sudden decided to use this as an opportunity to track people in their boring daily lives is a real insult to the phone in our pocket already doing that. Imagine the sizes of the needles needed to inject us all with microchips? It would be huge.

Chemtrails Are the Government Giving Us Drugs

Wouldn’t that be nice? the idea that the government is really giving people drugs via air planes thousands of feet in the air is actually kind of a homie move. It would be very nice if the water vapor trails that form behind planes rocketing through the sky contained a little bit of prozac, or valium, something to ease the strain of life. Perhaps the real reason air travel is getting more expensive are better drugs being put in the chemtrails? Throw in some acid let’s get crazy.

Blood Harvesting

People that think the world’s elite are all getting together for Satanic blood drinking gatherings must have never watched CSPAN. This group of boring people decided to set down the law books and drink blood? They barely even drink alcohol. If by some chance these lizard people did shed their Hillary Clinton skin in the middle of the night and fly through the sky as a blood thirsty reptile, that would be cool as hell. 

Migrant Caravan Invasion From Mexico

The idea that a group of displaced refugees were actually somehow an elite invasion force is fascinating, and a huge compliment to Nicaragua. These malnutritioned refugees are like little Jason Bornes, here to steal people’s jobs. Such an obvious move to legally get into a country is not the greatest way to sneakily get into a country. The idea that these people are also elite warriors? Very cool. 

Conspiracy theories are so fun because they make the world so much more dramatic, and who doesn’t love Drama? Boring politicians all of a sudden become lizard people who fly through the sky, masks are the biggest inside joke in the world, and if anyone is feeling sad they can just stand under a chem trail for 30 minutes. What an exciting time to be alive.

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